Sometimes ‘you want to sit in the shower and cry’ – Eric Murray fights for his autistic son

Eric Murray says caring for his autistic son Zac is deeply rewarding but can also make him want to cry. Photo / Mike Scott

Double Olympic gold medallist Eric Murray found success on the water through focus and fierce determination. He’s calling on those traits again now, to support his 12-year old autistic son.
“All that I’ve been thinking about for Zac is ‘how can I get him into society?’ … how can I get him there?”
Eric Murray is talking to Sonia Gray on this week’s episode of No Such Thing as Normal, a NZ Herald podcast about neurodiversity. His 12-year-old son Zac is autistic with ADHD, and is non-speaking.
“Some of it’s so rewarding, and then other times you want to sit in the shower and have a cry”, he says. “It has to be ‘eyes on the prize’ 24/7, so I incorporate Zac into everything I do. We have our routine, which he needs. But he also likes being in new environments.
“And he’ll look around, he takes it all in, he’s just looking at everything. And he has a photographic memory, he’s like Jason Bourne, he probably knows exactly how many steps it is to the front door. But he won’t tell me. He can’t tell me.”
The father and son try and get out in the community as much as possible, but Zac can be impulsive and is easily dysregulated, which means meltdowns in public are common.
Most people in Cambridge know them, and are understanding, but occasionally the response from the passersby is less than helpful.
“A lot of it is they just don’t know, the intimate details around, like what having a child with autism or ADHD neurodiverse. They don’t know the stresses,” he says.
“But if you see a kid yelling, or stimming (self-stimulating behaviours such as repetitive body movements) or having a meltdown, it’s not helpful to say ‘control your kid!’. Why not say ‘is there anything I can do to help?’.”
Murray is a patron for Autism NZ, and is passionate about raising awareness around neurodivergence. He would love to see education around neuro differences built into the school curriculum, so that all kids learn from a young age that everyone has a unique experience of the world. “They’d take that knowledge with them forever”, he says.
Like so many parents of high-needs children, Murray spends a lot of time planning for his son’s future.
“He’ll need a permanent carer, but I’m not going to be around forever,” he says. “And that worries me, because there’s no one to advocate for him on my level, it’d be terrible for the poor guy.”
The prospect of regular employment for Zac is minimal. But Murray has plans for a business that he can incorporate Zac into, one that plays to his son’s strengths.
“He’s very visual, he loves to see creation. That’s where he’s the expert,” he says.
“It’s not a great outlook, but we can find some ways where it’s going to actually look very, very good. And at the end of the day, he’s my son, and that’s the only thing you can do for your kids.”
No Such Thing as Normal is a NZ Herald podcast, hosted by Sonia Gray, with new episodes available every Saturday.
Season One won Best History & Documentary Podcast at the 2024 NZ Radio and Podcast Awards, and was one of Apple Podcast’s Most Shared series in 2023.
The series was made with the support of NZ on Air.
You can listen to it on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.